If You Give a Writer a Virtual Cookie...

Saw this hilarious post at The New Emily and just had to share it. What a great take on If You Give a Mouse a Cookie! Does this woman have a camera inside my house? Or maybe this is a malady that all writers share. There's hope for me yet! Either way, if you're a writer, you'll get it!

If You Send a Writer a Virtual Cookie
by Laura Malish

If you send a writer a virtual cookie from your blog, she will return the love, but will notice that you’ve updated your profile. Clicking on your new smiling image, she’ll see that you’re on Twitter. She’ll decide to send you a tweet which will remind her that she forgot to post a tweet on her account. Closing her blogger friend’s page, she’ll remember that she was supposed to be blogging.
Sitting in her quiet office, waiting for inspiration, the dryer beeps in the background. Avoiding ironing at all costs, she pops out of her chair and quickly hangs up the warm clothes before the dreaded wrinkles can set in. On the way back to her desk, she’ll notice the stack of unopened mail on the table by the back door. Sorting through ads and bills, she finds a professional looking envelope with the name of an agency she queried.

Sighing, she resigns herself to the expected rejection letter which reminds her that she needs to query that agent she found online yesterday. Tossing aside the not quite right for our agency letter, she dashes back to her desk to dig through the pile of notes on her desk, desperately trying to find that email address. In the pile, she discovers the science paper that her daughter had been searching for last night. Grabbing her keys, she’s out the door. She turns on the radio and hears a beautiful love song that reminds her of the scene she’s writing in her latest manuscript. Repeating it over and over, she hopes to cement the lyrics in her brain so she can remember it when she sits down to write.

Returning home after preparing her lecture speech about responsibility for her child, she tries to remember what she wanted to write. Hurrying to her desk, she notices the empty screen still waiting for her blog post. Staring at the flashing line, she ponders what the heck she can write about. Maybe children that need a lesson in organization? The line is still flashing. Maybe a more professional entry would be better in case a prospective agent checks out her blog. Agents and editors! She forgot to send a query to the editor from the fall conference. Quickly, dragging out her binder of important papers, she shuffles through until she finds the submission guidelines. Three months? She swallows and starts to count how many weeks since the conference and remembers that she needs to make an appointment for a haircut.

Going to the mirror, she looks to see if any gray roots are showing. Looking at her reflection, she wonders if she will ever get her manuscript published – there are a few wrinkles appearing around her eyes. That’s what her character needs! Wrinkles. Back behind the desk, she brings up her work-in-progress. A soft ping announces she has mail. Opening the email, in case it’s the agent she queried last week requesting a partial, she finds a big chocolate chip cookie from her critique friend. Thought you could use something sweet today. Oh, no!

And We're Off! 2011... Already?

Well, as you can see, I didn't do much blogging in 2010. A whopping two entries in a whole year...seriously? Who am I kidding?

Things have got to change. And soon. I've always considered myself a writer, because I was paid to be one. Last year, however, was the first time since I began my professional writing career in December of 1990 -- 20 years ago, eek! -- that I didn't receive a paycheck for a single writing or editing assignment. And that, friends, is no one's fault but my own. You can't BE a writer if you don't WRITE. Hello? That's a no brainer.

Oh, I can come up with some great excuses for not writing...Hmmmm, let's see: My office/desk is a mess; I homeschool my three children and don't have time to write; The dog ate my notes (no kidding); I have writer's block; I don't feel good; I have no energy; blah, blah, blah. What it all comes down to is this: I just didn't write.

Writer Mary Heaton Vorse once said, "The art of writing is the art of applying the seat of the pants to the seat of the chair." It's not brain surgery, true. It's DISCIPLINE, which can be somewhat akin to brain surgery if you're a free spirited procrastinator. Unfortunately, that's what most of us creative types are. Which is why most writers talk about how fun it is to THINK about writing, GO to writer's conferences, SURF the web, READ books, but the actually writing process...forget about it!!

So... what's a writer to do? A writer friend of mine has just invited me to order a book called Bang the Keys by Jill Dearman, and actually DO something. What a novel idea. (No pun intended.) DO something! Write! After all, I AM a writer. I NEED to bang the keys! If you're a writer, I invite you to do the same.

From the Mouths of Babes

My son, Trey, is a sweet and adorable 10-year-old. OK, so maybe I'm a little biased, but there's a least one little girl who agrees with me. Let's call her Casey (some names have been changed to protect the innocent).

Last week, Casey declared her love for Trey at a skating party. To his face. She just walked right up to him and said, "Trey, I have a crush on you."

Being the red-blooded American male that he is, Trey responded with a dumbfounded, deer-in-the-headlights look. After a long pause, he uttered one profound word: "Oh."

"Will you skate with me?" the cute, little blond-haired girl asked.

"Uh, OK," Trey managed to mumble.

After skating together for a while, Casey decided to press the issue further. "Trey, do you like me?" she asked, batting her long eyelashes.

The deer-in-the-headlights look returned. "Uh, yeah," he said simply.

When recounting the story later that evening to his dad, Trey told him, "I said 'yeah,' Dad. And then I thought, 'What have I gotten myself into?!'"

I can still picture him slapping his forehead as he said that. Russ and I cracked up. And then I said what my husband was thinking, "I'm sure every man has wondered that same thing at some point in his life: 'What have I gotten myself into?'"

Then we laughed some more. I LOVE my family!!

I'm Baaaack! And I have Olympic Fever!

I just found this little widget featuring an event schedule and TV listings for the 2010 Vancouver Olympics. So far the USA is in the lead with a total of four medals. Rock on, USA!

Exclusive Winter Olympics news & widgets at NBC Olympics.com!

Time for a Makeover?

As anyone can see from the date of my last entry, I've been trying my best to ignore my blog. But ignoring it hasn't made it go away. Day after day, it sits untouched as a monument to my negligence. I've contemplated letting it go altogether, but despite my apparent apathy, I can't seem to do it. Every time I think about it, separation anxiety seizes my innermost being. How can you be so attached to something that you obviously don't seem to care about?

I think it's time for a makeover. A lot of my "blogger's block" stems from the fact that I feel locked in to writing about writing. Maybe that's my problem. I am not just a freelance writer and editor (especially lately!). I am a child of God, a wife, a mom, a home-educator, a daughter, a sister, a cook, a maid, a... well, I think you get it. I need to revamp, redesign, reinvent, and a bunch of other re- words that I can't seem to think of right now.

This will take some brainstorming, so stay tuned... Hopefully, it won't take me another two months to figure this out...

A Girl Can Dream, Can't She?

Ever thought about your dream writers' conference? If money wasn't an issue, I think I'd like to attend the Maui Writer's Conference.

OK, besides the obvious -- location, location, location! -- this is one sweet conference. It's full to the brim with editors from well-respected houses, high-powered agents and famous authors. A networker's paradise, smack dab in the middle of, you guessed it, paradise!

C'mon, a girl can dream can't she?

Follow the Drinking Gourd

A few weeks ago, my kids and I visited the Indianapolis Children's Museum to check out the new LEGO exhibit. In my 9-year-old son's words, "It was awesome!" While there we also experienced another "awesome" thing -- an extremely innovative use of children's literature. The museum's plantetarium featured a show entitled Follow the Drinking Gourd, based on the children's book by Jeanette Winter. In her book, Winter illustrated the words to a folk song that was used to show slaves the way to the Underground Railroad and eventually, to freedom. The slaves would look for the Big Dipper, aka The Drinking Gourd, in the night sky to guide them north to Canada.

After viewing the program, my kids and I were inspired to learn more about the Underground Railroad and the constellations. What a great way to use children's literature to educate and spur a love of learning!